Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I had only one small thing on my agenda today.I had to go to the drug store to pick up my prescription that I so desperately needed.After paying the copay on the medication,I headed for home.
On the way home,I made a stop at a local supermarket to pick up something that was needed for dinner.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward,but it continues to be a very rocky road.My struggles with the symptoms of bipolar depression are really difficult.I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that comes with the territory of having bipolar depression.On some days,I am up and feeling good while on other days,I am down and feeling bad.It is simply never ending.Aside from that,I have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.The only things that I can continue to do is to continue my therapy sessions and to continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that my recovery will start improving soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection that was also another throbbing one.This was another really hard one as tossing and turning wasn't working.I had to get up and walk it away by heading for the bathroom to use it.The erection died down and I went back to sleep after using the bathroom.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out by masturbating or other ways aside from seeking male partners out for the purpose of acting out can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Don't get me wrong,I still get the temptations to seek out a male partner to act out with,but I simply choose not to feed that temptation by doing so.I have to keep in mind that the sexual desires for men represent and even deeper need to be around my fellow men in a healthy and authentic way.It shows that I do need deeper acceptance by other men in a healthy and authentic way as well as accepting my own intrinsic maleness as well as the intrinsic maleness of others in that very same way.I also have to continuously keep in mind that acting out on my desires in any way,shape or form will never give me what I want or deeply need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Acting out on my desires,no matter what way it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to overcome and disown and whose sinful sexual activity I am trying to resist and disassociate from as that is not what I want to do.I want to be the man that God intended me to be and feel like A MAN among men.Though I have received a suggestion from a follower and I am putting it into practice,I am still open to any advice,ideas or suggestions as to how I can continue to stay strong and resistant to the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ