Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,though it is still a rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had breakfast and coffee and afterwards,I did my personal PC work.I got dressed after that was done and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had a spirituality group that I needed to attend.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over to the group with high hopes.
The group went great.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for some lunch.After lunch,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and also for myself.After that was done,I headed over to the nearby card shop to pick up a few cards.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work and some required Holy Bible reading.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,but it is still a very rocky road.When you are someone who struggles with bipolar depression(as BPD for subsequent posts),the struggle is never easy.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.I never know when I will be up or down.It is always unpredictable.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside,which makes this even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.I am also going to continue hanging onto the hope that someday soon,my recovery will start improving.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again awakened by yet another morning erection in the wee early morning hours.It was also another throbbing one.I was tempted to masturbate the erection away when this happened.But again,I fought the temptation.I started to get up and the minute that I did,the erection died down slowly and I laid back down to go back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I know that the temptation to act out on my desires can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Most of the time,I usually get tempted to masturbate whenever a morning erection happens and at times,other immoral thought can go through my head.I also get tempted to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect to masturbate as well.There are also other instances when I am tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out with them in a sexual manner.But instead,I choose to fight these rather than give into them.I know that acting out on my desires in any way will never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Acting out in any way,shape or form will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to abandon and remove myself from as God never intended for men to have sexual relations or activity with each other.God intended man to be Heterosexual as he created man and woman for that reason.God approves of Heterosexuality and that is all.No questions asked.No if's,and's or but's.Again,though I did get some good advice from a follower and I am putting it into practice,I am still open to any more advice or suggestions from anyone else.Thanks in advance for sharing.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with the pastor and I am hoping that it will go well.Earlier in the day,I have to go to the bank and withdraw some money for my mom.As for anything else,no plans as of yet.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ