Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things planned for today.I first did a little bit more cleaning up around the house and after that was done,I had my mom prepare the bills to be mailed out today and also,to withdraw some money from the bank.After that was all done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something that was needed for the house.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know,from day to day,or,from one minute to the next,how my mood will be.It is a very difficult thing to deal and/or endure with.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.Aside from that emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with hearing things that others can't hear,such as footsteps or the calling of my name.When it becomes seemingly too difficult,I simply take it to both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever that happens.I simply talk about it with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they help in sustaining me.It is simply a way of taking it to them and asking them for help.It is great that I am not alone in my struggle.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was a really overwhelming urge.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming temptation.I simply sat up and as I did,the erection died down and when my genitals were softened,I simply laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I am still keeping in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I never know when those temptation will come.They simply strike when least expected.I am always at war with these unnatural desires that I have as I refuse to let them define who I am as a human being.I have only accepted my identity as male and I accept nothing else.The temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can be a very overwhelming one at that.While that can be,I am still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ when that happens.Whenever the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have come around,as it does come when I least it to come,I simply throw it on God and talk about the temptation in the name of his son Jesus Christ and the temptation is reduced to nil.I am trying to tell the desires that I have that I own them and they don't own me.If I ever do give into any temptation to act out,I simply ask God to forgive in the name of his son Christ Jesus and after that,the slate is wiped clean and God forgets it.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for all of their help and for showing me that I am not alone in my struggles.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ