Tonight,though it will be rocky for a while,my road to recovery is ongoing.I had an eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had quite a few things to do today.
After making a few important phone calls,I went to my building and improving self esteem group and was looking forward to this.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put everything away and I started to get ready for the memorial service for my mom.
The memorial service lasted for a while and everyone that my mom knew and everyone that I knew were there.It was wonderful seeing all the people who came and it was great that they also shared their condolences and shared in our grief.After it was over,we made preparations for the burial and we all headed for home.
When I got home,I had a light meal and got ready for bed.Overall,an eventful day and I still managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
While my recovery in ongoing,I will still be on a rocky road for a while as a result of my mom being no longer with us.The symptoms of BPD that I have are actually getting worse for now and also,the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD are also getting worse.I know that this is only temporary as this will reduce itself in time.I will continue taking my medication and keeping up with my therapy.I will also still continue to rely on both God and Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for it's own good.I simply talk about my struggles with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I feel a tad better.It is simply a matter of continually talking to to God and asking him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to get me through it all and after that,it is in their hands and I can feel better a little bit knowing that they are there.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that makes me feel a tad good.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.This was a very overwhelming temptation and I had to use all my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up and since I had to use the bathroom,I went to the bathroom and used it and after that,the erection softened and I went back to sleep after that.Though I did escape this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it comes in,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always at war with these unnatural desires that I have and at times,it seems that they are winning and that I should surrender.But I won't surrender as I refuse to do so.I can't let these desires that I have win.I have to stay strong and show them that I won them and not the other way around.When it does become seemingly too unbearable,I still rely on both God and his son Jesus whenever that happens.If I am ever really tempted,I simply take the temptation to God and throw it on him in Jesus name and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil and I feel better.If I ever do give into any sort of temptation,I ask God to forgive me for sinning in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,all is forgiven and forgotten by God and I can move on.It shows that I am not alone in my fight or struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ