Tonight,my rocky road to recovery moves forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things that I needed to do.I first went to the local UPS store to send out something that I had to send back as it was defective merchandise.After doing that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my ongoing struggle against the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.My moods and/or emotions can be up and good one day or one minute/moment and/or down the next day or minute/moment.I never how they will be.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggle with BPD even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they help in sustaining me.It is simply a matter of talking daily with God about this particular struggle and asking them for help when it really gets difficult.They are there to help and all I need to do is ask them.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened at a couple of times by throbbing erections.The first one didn't last very long,but the second one was really strong.I really had to use all of my own strength to fight and resist the later temptation as it was a really overwhelming one.I actually got up out of bed as I sensed that I had to use the bathroom and as I walked to the bathroom,the erection softened and after I was finished in the bathroom,my genitals were fully soft and I went back to bed and fell back asleep.Though I escaped this double whammy,as it was the first double whammy that I have had in a long time,I did give into a later temptation when I,in a state of tiredness after I had gotten up in the mid morning,manipulated my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect or to the point of orgasm and stopping.When I did this,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into this temptation and I did feel better afterwards.Throughout the day,I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever any sort of temptation rears it's ugly head at me and even tries to envelope me.I threw every temptation on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and prayed to ask for strength to fight and resist these temptations that were coming at me from left and right and every time I prayed,I felt better.Though it has been two months since my mom's passing,I am still in a complex state of emotions as I am working to move on and still continue to learn to adjust to the loss of my mom as I am still feeling her absence and missing her at the same time.I know that I will always miss her and I know that in time,I will get used to her not being around,but I am still working on getting over it and also,trying to overcome this complex state of emotions that I am in as a result of her death.Day after day,I am going to continue in prayer and I am going to continue asking God for strength to fight and resist all sorts of temptations and urges whenever they rear their ugly heads.I am also going to start asking God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me overcome the complex state of emotions that I am in as a result of my mom passing away.I am also asking for prayers and words of encouragement by everyone who follows and reads my blog posts.People do visit and view my blog,but never leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Don't be shy.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me.All of your prayers and encouraging words of support help keep me going in this fight and to also continue fighting to overcome this terrible SSA.Again,please say prayers for me and also,please leave an encouraging word or two for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your words of encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,with it being the holiday,I will be at my sister's house for dinner and I will be hanging out there for a while to simply talk and just enjoy the company.It was originally going to be at my former brother in-law's,but plans changed as of today.This will also be the first Thanksgiving without my mom being around.After it is over,I am simply going to go home and relax for a while and maybe,watch a movie or two that I will pop into the DVD player.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the upcoming holiday ahead.FJ