Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I didn't have too much to do today.I simply went to the public library to print something out of my e-mail and after that was done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend was doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my rocky road to recovery continues onward,I am still on my daily struggle with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day or by the minute/moment.I never how my moods and/or emotions will be.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggle with BPD even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying more on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It is a difficult struggle in itself,but both God and Christ help in sustaining me and it also shows that I don't have to suffer or struggle alone.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist the temptation to masturbate the erection away.I sat up for a while and I didn't lay back down until the erection softened and when it did,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation and yes,it was the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect or to the point of orgasm and stopping before ejaculation occurs.After I stopped doing this,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into this particular temptation.This particular activity,the manipulation of my genitals,has really become a problem for me.Though I don't do it every day like I used to,I still give into this particular temptation whenever I do get the craving to do it and I would really love to stop doing this.Most of the time,there is lusting involved with this and again,I would love to stop doing this to myself.I know that this is an unclean and impure habit and again,it is a habit that I want to stop.Again,when I do give into this particular habit via temptation,I always ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and I do feel better as a result of believing that I am truly forgiven whenever I give into any temptation and ask to be forgiven.I am asking for any advice on how I can stop doing this sort of thing.I am really desperate here and I want to stop giving into this particular temptation whenever it comes around.If anyone out there can give me anything that has helped them,please share.Thanks.I am open to try anything to give up practicing this dirty,unclean and impure habit.Please share any advice as to what has worked for you and why it worked.I would appreciate any advice given on how I can stop giving into this temptation to engage in this habit of manipulating my genitals for the purposes of getting them near/fully erect or to the point of orgasm and stopping before the occurrence of ejaculation.Those who follow and read my blog regularly,please help me.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow morning,it will be church as usual.As for the rest of the day,I just might stay home and take it easy and possibly,watch a movie on DVD.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ