Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After showering,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had a building and improving self esteem group that I had to attend and the group meeting went as well as expected.After the meeting was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby supermarket to turn in some cans and bottles that had accumulated in the trunk and back seat of my car.After turning them in and getting the money,I headed over to a nearby gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in an ongoing struggle with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never how my moods or my emotions will be from one to the next,or at times,from one minute to the next.It is an unpredictable thing.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about the struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.This shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that does make me a feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation to masturbate the erection away.I sat up for a while and didn't lay back down and go back to sleep until the erection softened.Though I escaped this episode,I later gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near orgasm and stopping.After I had done that,I asked God to forgive me for my sins and I did feel better after that.Since I am now alone in the house,I am now really getting tempted to act out by masturbation or by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or to the point of orgasm and stopping,but at times,it does proceed to masturbation.I really have to use all of my strength to fight and resist these temptations whenever they come around.I really have to learn to really go in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to ask him to give me the strength to resist these temptations whenever they occur.I really feel overwhelmed at times by these temptations.I don't want to lust after others nor do I want to act out on these unnatural desires that I have in any way,shape or form.I want to do what is right,but the unnatural desires that I have want me to do the opposite.I really have to buckle down and really rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to really help get me through these awful temptations.I want to be pure in thought and deed,but the unnatural desires that I have want me to be the opposite of that.At times,when I am being overwhelmed,I don't know whether I am coming or going.I again ask for those who follow my blog and read the posts that I post on it to please continue praying for me as I am going through all of this.I also ask for encouraging words in the comments section by all of you.Your prayers and encouraging words help keep me going.I will also continue in prayer to God and his son Jesus Christ constantly.Thanks in advance for all of your prayers.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they provide.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my therapist and I am hoping that the session goes well.As for the rest of the day,I have no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ