Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda today.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning Spirituality group and as usual,I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after eating that,I had some time to kill and decided to hang out and socialize at the group center for a while before heading to my general doctor's office for a follow-up.
The follow-up visit went well and I got a prescription.After that was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still having to battle the symptoms of BPD every day and the emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on as a result of my struggles with BPD.I never know how my moods or emotions will be from one day to the next or from one minute to the next.At times,I wish that I don't have to go through this,but I know that I have to put up with the struggle as best as I can.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am still also taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I usually feel a tad better as they both help in sustaining me.Human therapy is essential,but both God and Christ help in ways that go beyond human therapy.It is wonderful that I am not in this struggle alone.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming urge.I sat up and I stayed sitting up until the erection softened and I went back to sleep after that.Though I did escape this episode,I was still being tempted to act out on the unnatural desires that I have by ways of lusting and the urge to manipulate my genitals at the same time.This is a very common problem for me as I get the urge to lust and touch myself inappropriately at the same time.The urge to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near or fully erect or to the point of orgasm and stopping is a huge problem and yes,there is usually lusting involved with it at the same time.I get these urges throughout the day and whenever I do,I throw the temptations on God and pray to him in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I feel better each time I do that.Whenever I throw the temptations on God in prayer and I talk about them,the temptations are reduced to nil and I move on.But they do sometimes come back later in the day and when that happens,I simply throw it on God again and with his and his son's help in strengthening me,which is what I pray for whenever I am tempted,I feel better and relieved and it is a much better feeling than acting out on the unnatural desires that I have.This fulfillment is spiritual fulfillment and the feeling that this gives me is a whole lot better than the feeling that I get from lusting and genital manipulation.God is there to get us through all sorts of temptations.He is also there to give us strength to help us fight and resist the urges to indulge in any type of sinful sexual behavior.All we need to do is ask for that strength in prayer and he will give it.I am also still asking for prayers by those who repeatedly follow my blog and read the posts that I post here daily and also,I would appreciate some words of encouragement left in the comments section.Your prayers and your positive words of encouragement help keep me going.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do to help me and all of us who struggle with any kind of problem.They give power beyond what is normal and they are there for us when we ask them to get involved.Thanks again to both God and his son Jesus Christ for all that they provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ