Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty quiet day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After showering,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I decided to get dressed and proceed with the rest of the day.
I first mailed out a whole bunch of Christmas cards today and since I was running late,I headed over to the group place,but when I arrived there,they told me that the group was canceled as a result of a function that was going on.As a result of this inconvenience,including not being told ahead of time about such things,such as a group cancellation,I headed for home a little disappointed.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to deposit a refund check that I just received.After that,I went to the gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and when I was finished,I relaxed while watching a movie that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty quiet day and I did manage to get in some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still struggling with the daily struggles of having BPD and still continuing to deal with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more of God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I really don't know if I am coming or going here.I again gave into temptation today by masturbating and yes,there was lusting involved with this as well.I really felt miserable after this fall and I really asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for this particular fall and asked for God's mercy at the same time.I have been falling pretty much lately.This year,the holiday season is bringing me mixed emotions.This is actually the first holiday season without my mom and a lot of complex emotional patterns are really taking their toll on me.As stated,I really don't know if I am coming or going and it is really bringing me down.Though I did feel better and know that I was forgiven for this fall,I have to keep in mind that Satan is going to use these complex emotions as his weapon to get me to sin seriously.I have to continue to work on staying strong and keeping aware of Satan's motives.I am just going to have to start praying really hard and really and seriously ask God for the strength to get me through the complex emotions that I am experiencing as a result of my mom's absence during this holiday season.I am still missing her and I am still wishing that she were still here rather than deceased.I am going to have to really work hard and keep praying.I don't want to sin,but my sinful nature wants me to do the opposite.I am also continuing to ask all of you who follow and read my blog to continue praying for me and also to please leave an encouraging word or two as both your prayers and encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance for all of your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ