Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I got dressed to go to the local hospital to get some much needed blood work done.
The time went by pretty fast and it only took about a couple of minutes to get it done.After it was all over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I immediately jumped into the shower and cleaned up.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I relaxed for the rest of the day.I simply put a DVD into the DVD player and watched it while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or sometimes,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.With then both leading the way,I have nothing to worry about when any way too overwhelming things happening.I also feel a tad better as a result.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was a very overwhelming one.I sat up for a while and as I was sitting up,the erection started to soften and when I proceeded to get out of bed,it only softened it more.When my genitals were returned to full softness,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in lusting and fantasies with other men and also to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping with these sexual images on my mind.I had to pray really hard to my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I asked for strength to fight and resist all of these temptations.I kept it up all day as I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in these sinful practices.I always felt better and stronger after praying and that was great.The urge(s)to indulge in anything sinful connected with SSA can be overwhelming.The more resistance that I put up,the more stronger the urge(s)become each and every time.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that particular urge comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed that particular temptation.I also keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have that are connected with SSA will never give me what I truly need and also want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.While I have been keeping up in prayer,I am also continuing to ask that all of you who continue to follow my blog to continue praying for me and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments are rarely left.Please leave an encouraging comment for me.It could be in the form of upbuilding me with any scriptures from the Holy Bible or to encourage me to keep fight and praying.I ask these things,which I feel are not too much in and of themselves,because both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome SSA and to continue in my journey to heal from these unwanted unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with the nurse practitioner at the local hospital.As for the rest of the day,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ