Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did 4/5 of my personal PC work.After that,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and the theme was the death of Christ and his subsequent resurrection.
The group went well.After it was over,I headed for a local kitchen to have lunch and after I was finished,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and after calling my sister,I headed over to her house to pick up something and after leaving her house,I headed over to the post office to mail out an important payment.After that,I stopped at a nearby Salvation Army thrift store and picked up a few things.After that,I headed for a local supermarket to turn in some bottles and cans and after collecting the money from that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finished my personal PC work.I also managed to register the bills that I received after turning in the bottles.
After eating a light dinner,I dressed up and I headed for church for the Maundy Thursday Holy Communion worship service and it was a wonderful service.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got into my pajamas and relaxed until it was time for me to go to bed.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or sometimes,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.It struggling with BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I also have to put up with hearing voices and other things that others can't hear,but can only be heard be me.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone when it comes to this struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation for a second consecutive time within a twelve hour period when I again manipulated my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and yes,there was lusting and fantasies involved and this time,I wound up ejaculating.I felt really terrible after falling this time.I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and I really begged for his mercy as this was the second consecutive time.I did feel better after that.I tried to keep busy all day by just going along with the day.I was tempted again and this time,I really prayed hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations as they were coming at me from all sides.I kept up praying as I didn't want to sin again.It isn't an easy struggle this SSA,but I am not giving up.I am going to continue praying to God in the name of his son Christ Jesus as I don't want to sin again.I am also still getting tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that temptation comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than go out and feed that temptation.While I have been praying,I am also again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read the posts to please continue praying for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time and please,don't be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your words of encouragement both help keep me going in this fight against SSA and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to heal from these unwanted unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with the SSA condition.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,with the exception of the Good Friday evening church service,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ