Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the study class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone after the service,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my regular casual clothes.I immediately did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day as for me,going to church on Sunday mornings always makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary day after day,or at other times,minute/moment after minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that make my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the BPD emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It also shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection,which didn't last very long.I sat up for a while and the erection started to soften as I did.I also proceeded to get up to walk and the erection continued to soften.When it was fully soft,I went back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was still tempted throughout the day to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and the temptations were really overwhelming.I was tempted to lust after other men and fantasize with the images that were creeping up into my mind,alongside the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping to these sexual images of men.I kept up in prayer to God all day and I asked him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to give me strength to fight and resist these temptations and I felt better and stronger after I did.I am going to work on making this a habit as I don't want to sin nor displease God in any way,shape or form.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I simply and willfully choose to stay home when that particular temptation come around as I continually keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA will never give me what I truly want and also need,which are affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.While I have been keeping up in prayer,I am also asking again that all of you who follow my blog and read the posts to continue praying for me and also,to please don't be shy by leaving an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets quite a few visitors and curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments.I only ask these things because both your prayers and your encouraging comments both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue to work on overcoming SSA and also,to heal from the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,the only thing that I have planned is to get some much needed blood work done over at the local hospital.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ