Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I didn't have too much to do today.I simply went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After that was done,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up another thing that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did a little bit of reading and later,watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still dealing with the symptoms and the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD daily.It never gets any easier as I go from one day to the next as my emotions can vary by the day,or at other times,by the minute/moment within the same day.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes both my BPD struggles and my SSA struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply take this particular struggle and I talk about it with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I leave nothing out,as I ask for strength to get me through the difficulties of this psychiatric double whammy that I have and they both help in sustaining me and also,keeping me serene and at a good and level plain.I am never alone in this struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me again twice during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections at two separate intervals during that time.With the first occurrence,I sat up and proceeded to get up off of the bed and head for the doorway and that made the erection start to die down.I walked for a while until my genitals were fully soft and I went right back to bed and to sleep after that.Regarding the second occurrence,I had to get up and use the bathroom pretty badly and I got off the bed and headed for the bathroom and after I was finished,my genitals were fully limp and I went right back to bed and to sleep.Though I escaped this double whammy,I was tempted after fully getting up out of bed for the day as I had a burning lust within me and the temptations to act out on the unnatural sexual desires that I have were really coming on strong from all sides.I also had the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/full erection and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping to these lustful images of men.I really had to fight and resist these terrible temptations,but I knew that I couldn't do it alone as by myself,I would have given into these terrible temptations.I immediately went to my Heavenly Father and I asked him for strength to help me control this burning and powerful lust that was within me.I asked him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me control the burning lust that I had burning within me.I also asked my Heavenly Father to also take away this lust as well and I really prayed hard.I didn't want to give into these terrible temptations as that would be sinning against my Heavenly Father and the prefect law that he set forth in regards to sexuality and his true purpose.I prayed real hard and I left nothing out and after I was finished praying,I felt much stronger and also knew that my Heavenly Father made me feel stronger and he also heard me.I felt wonderful and I kept up with my business for the day to keep my mind off of anything sexual and lustful.I did pray again when the lusts kept coming back and I felt better each time.It was the same as yesterday in the early evening when I also felt that same burning lust within me and I also asked my Heavenly Father in prayer in Christ Jesus' name to help me control the lust and also,to take away the lust within me as I didn't want to feel it anymore.Though I got through the day today,I still have to keep in mind that the lust can come back tomorrow or the day after that and so on.I have to stay on guard as the lust can come back and when it does,I need to go to my Heavenly Father in prayer again in the name of his son Jesus Christ to ask again for the strength to help me fight and control the lust and also,to ask him to remove the lust from within me.Though I have been praying lots lately,I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read the posts to please keep up in prayer for me as I am going through this difficult and trying emotional time and also,to please leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section as I really need both prayers and words of encouragement.My blog gets many visitors,but comments of any kind are rarely left for me.Please don't be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this difficult SSA struggle and make me even more determined to continue in my goals to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with this terrible SSA.I need both badly and often,so please leave me an encouraging comment of two as I know that those who visit are behind me and are supporting me 100% all the way.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ