Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda for today.
Since we were until an advisory in my area,I simply went out to pick up a few things that I needed.I first stopped at a gas station to get some gas.After that,I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that I needed.After paying for those things,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to buy a gallon of milk and after paying for that,I headed to a local Dollar General store to buy some windshield washer fluid.After paying for that and filling up my windshield washer reservoir with the fluid,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries that I bought away and I did a little bit more personal PC work.
After eating,I decided to pop a holiday DVD in and I watched it.I watched a few holiday cartoons since we are now in the Christmas season.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing with the psychiatric double whammy that I have,which is BPD/Schizophrenia.While that struggle is difficult in itself,my most difficult struggle is my struggle with SSA.This morning,I gave into temptation again by manipulating my genitals and yes,sexual images of men clouded my mind while I did that and I wound up ejaculating.After cleaning myself from doing that,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning in the name of his son Jesus Christ as I was really sorry for giving into that temptation.The struggle with SSA is a very difficult one indeed.I never know when temptations will start coming at me.I hate that I struggle with this and I wish that I didn't have to.I hate that I find members of my own gender sexually attractive and I hate everything connected with that.The thing is that anything connected with Homosexuality,including the sexual activity associated with it,is sinful.I understand that it isn't a sin to be tempted and that the Homosexual condition,which is emotional in itself,isn't sinful.It is a sin to act out on the unnatural desires that are connected with SSA and the temptations to act out can be very overwhelming.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life and I really need to get tough on myself and start buckling down on this problem.I need to show these unnatural desires that I have that I am stronger than they are,that I own them and they don't own me.It takes a lot of hard work,but I am willing to do that.I am not going to give up as my Heavenly Father never gives up on me.Fellow blog followers,please continue praying for me and also,I would really appreciate some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things desperately.Please pray for me and please don't be shy and leave me some positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ