Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a day with mixed emotions and quite a few complicated things.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed in a hurry as my locally living sister was going to take me to my appointment with the nurse practitioner at the local hospital.
The session with her went well and I got my new prescription for my current medication.I called my locally living sister to pick me up,which she did and she headed to drop me off at home.
On the way,she stopped at the drug store so I could drop off my prescription and pick up a couple of things that I needed.After paying for the items,she dropped me off at home and I went into the house.I put the stuff that I bought away and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed back out again to do what I had to do and pick up a few slices of pizza for a late lunch.I headed straight home and when I got home,I relaxed and ate my late lunch and did some more personal PC work when I was done eating it.I also relaxed and listened to a little bit of music.
In between these things,the mechanic came over to see what he could do in regards to my car's shifter problem.He directed me to a covered hole near the shifter on the right and he simply instructed me to put the tip of a screwdriver into that hole very deeply and push the button to shift into either drive or reverse.After he showed me that,I tried it,but still had some difficulty trying to get it to work,but after a few tries,I finally got it and I parked the car into the driveway.Later on,I did all the aforementioned things that I had to do.
After eating a light evening meal,I was hoping to head over to the usual Thursday night study group,but learned earlier in the evening that they were canceling the study group tonight due to the weather.I simply relaxed and watched a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.I still also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well and it was great.I then prepared for my evening retirement.
Today,as I said,was a day of mixed emotions and complications,with the problems involving my car being the main contributor and root cause of the mixed emotions that I was feeling and the complications that I had endured today.I have been feeling really stressed as a result of these things.My mind was rambling and I was also talking to myself so much and regarding my difficulties in regards to my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation by lusting and fantasizing with sexual images of men clouding my mind and I also manipulated my genitals to the point where I reached orgasm and I finished it off by masturbation to ejaculation.I really felt miserable when I did this and after washing my hands,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I also begged for his mercy as I prayed because I really felt terrible for sinning against my Heavenly Father.I prayed real hard and I left nothing out.I poured out everything to him and I begged for his mercy and for his forgiveness.When I was finished,I felt a lot better and I knew that I was forgiven.I am still working on trying to say to these unnatural desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA that I own them and not the other way around.I have to show them that I am not a slave to them anymore.I also have to show them that these unnatural sexual desires that I have that I won't let them dictate nor define who I am as a person.Fellow blog followers,please continue to keep me in your prayers as I am going through this rough emotional time and also,please don't forget to leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both prayerful and positive verbal support from all of you as I am really going through a very difficult emotional time.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have really nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.I am just hoping that tomorrow isn't the day like I had today.I am afraid that I really won't know whether I am coming or going if it is.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ