Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had 2 cups of coffee.After that,I showered quickly before getting dressed and having my usual quick breakfast.After that,I quickly did my personal PC work and I proceeded with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of errands to run today.I first went to a local supermarket to turn in some empty cans that my niece gave me yesterday and I went straight home to register the bills.I left the house again to get a little bit of gas with the money that I had gotten from turning in the cans.I headed back to the same local supermarket to see if they had what I was looking for.When they didn't,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up what I was looking for since I saw that they had it there.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while as I was waiting for my evening meal to get done.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work and after that,I relaxed while preparing for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is the most difficult of the two for me.Today,upon arising,I gave into temptation by manipulating my genitals while fantasizing and lusting after other men when sexual images of men clouded my mind and this time,the experience ended in ejaculation.I really felt very miserable after this current fall into sin and after washing my hands,I immediately went to my Heavenly Father in prayer to ask to be forgiven for my sins in the name of his son Jesus Christ.In my prayer,I accepted full and total responsibility for my falling into sin and I asked that I be forgiven for my sins.I prayed real hard and when I was finished praying,I felt better as I knew and truly believed that I was forgiven.The SSA struggle is a very difficult struggle indeed.I am learning this day after day.I get tempted to act out day in and day out.Most of the time,I get tempted to fantasize and lust after other men and yes,there are times that I get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that temptation comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than give into that particular temptation because I still have to continually keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural sexual desires that I have will never give me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.Fellow blog followers and readers,please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please don't be shy and leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.My blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rarely left.I need both your prayerful and positive verbal support.They both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also reaffirm me that I am not alone in this particular struggle.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.Please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please don't be shy and leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of going to see a movie in the early afternoon,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ