Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the mid morning and I had 2 cups of coffee.After that,I quickly showered to clean up and when I was finished,I had my usual quick breakfast.When I was finished with breakfast,I quickly got dressed up in dress clothes and I headed over to the job placement agency to put my signature on a few more applications that they filled out on my behalf.After that was done,I headed straight home to change into casual clothes and I headed for a local kitchen to have lunch and when I was finished with that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things that I needed.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I relaxed for a bit and took it easy.
After eating,I decided to attend my usual Friday night Celebrate Recovery group,which went as wonderful as expected.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into my bed clothes and proceeded to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is the most difficult of the two for me.Today,I once again gave into temptation by manipulating my genitals to sexual images of men clouding my mind and that led to fantasies and lusting after them and I wound up ejaculating.I felt really miserable and after washing my hands,I immediately went to my Heavenly Father and asked him to forgive me for falling into sin in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I also accepted full and total responsibility for my falling into sin and left nothing out as I prayed.When I was finished,I felt better as I truly believed that I was forgiven.I went on with the rest of the day.I know that I have said this before,but I really need to get really tough on myself.I have to stop this constant habit of continuing to fall into the same old sin and asking for forgiveness.I feel that I am abusing the divine gift of forgiveness every time I continuously give into the same old sin.I need to work on changing my mental pattern whenever this particular thing comes around.I need to learn how to say to myself "STOP!" and "NO!" whenever these particular urges come around.I am struggling everyday with this terrible SSA condition and it seems to get worse instead of better for me.I don't want to go back to that terribly sinful and destructive sexual lifestyle known as the so called "Gay" lifestyle as it isn't what my Heavenly Father intended.He also never intended for sexuality to be used and abused the way that the world is using and abusing it at this moment.I need to keep those things continually in mind.Fellow blog followers and readers,please continue to keep me in your prayers as I am really going through a very difficult emotional time.I also ask that you leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need some positive verbal support right now alongside the prayerful support.Please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please don't be afraid to leave me some positive verbal support.My blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments are rarely left in the comments section.I need both prayerful and positive verbal support desperately and everyday.They both help keep me going.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.The verbal support,in itself,reaffirms me that I am not alone in this particular struggle.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual on Sunday,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the upcoming weekend ahead.FJ