Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I showered quickly and when I was finished,I had my usual quick breakfast.After that,I got dressed and I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I first went to have lunch at a local kitchen.After that,I headed for the bank to withdraw some money and pay a bill.I then went to a local hair place to have my hair cut.After that,I went grocery shopping at the local Super Wal-Mart.After paying for those things,I headed to a local Dollar tree store to pick up some snacking food.I also went to a local supermarket to pick up a few more things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I had a light evening meal and when I was finished with that,I decided to listen to some music and do some more personal PC work.There was a torrential downpour of rain and there was thunder and lightning alongside High winds.I chose to keep the TV off to be on the safe side.After a while,I laid down and read for a while.Later on,I did a little bit more personal PC work and I then prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
My rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I am still struggling daily with BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,with the latter being the most difficult of the two for me.Today,I gave into temptation by manipulating my genitals to sexual images of men clouding my mind and that led to fantasizing and lusting after these images and I ejaculated while doing so.I really felt miserable and ashamed of myself after I did that and after washing my hands,I immediately went to my Heavenly Father and asked for forgiveness in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and left nothing out.I admitted everything to my Heavenly Father and asked him to forgive me for my sins while also accepting full and total responsibility for my fall.When I was finished,I felt better as I knew and truly believed that I was forgiven.I still need to work on getting tough with myself.I am sick and tired of falling constantly.I can't keep falling into sin.I need to work on resistance and getting tough.I need to show these unnatural sexual desires that I have that I own them and that they don't own me.I can't let Satan and his minions bring out the worst in me as a result of these unnatural sexual desires that I have.I need to kick Satan and his minions to the curb every time I get the temptation to act out by fantasizing and lusting after other men.Fellow blog followers and readers,please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I still need both your prayerful and positive verbal support daily and often.Please leave me some verbal encouragement in the comments section.I really need it as I feel alone when nobody leaves anything encouraging in the comments section.Please continue to keep me in your prayers.I also ask that you please leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the upcoming weekend,with the exception of a Men's Network group tomorrow and church as usual on Sunday,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the upcoming weekend ahead.FJ
2 comments:
FJ,
I find it hard to read that so often you give in to temptation. I don't say that as condemnation because I used to do the same thing when sexual temptation came before me. I went through the same pattern as you stated in this post - that of binging on sexual acting out, then remorse that I had fallen again, then praying for the Lord's forgiveness but after a short time giving in again to sexual acting out. When sexual temptation came I felt I couldn't say NO. This is all a lie right from the evil one and I listened to him instead of running to God when temptation came.
I have learned that I must declare each day my allegiance to God alone. Saying, "I declare that I am a child of God and I serve Him alone." That sends a message to the enemy as to where you stand.
Also in Ephesians (6:10-17) it talks about putting on the armour of God.
Put on the belt of TRUTH.
Put on the breastplate of RIGHTEOUSNESS.
Put on your feet the gospel of PEACE.
Take up the shield of FAITH.
Put on the helmet of SALVATION.
Take the WORD of GOD.
These are all what God is; our truth, our righteousness, our peace, our source of faith, our salvation, and His Word is for our benefit.
I found that I had to do these exercises every day so the enemies attacks are minimized. It also helps so that throughout the day a person is aware when temptation is coming and immediately can pray, "God, my Father, I stand on the truth that I am your child and nothing can harm me or lead me astray." You will also find that God's presence becomes more real.
I pray that you will be victorious, FJ, I'm cheering for you my brother.
Stan
FJ,
Another important point is that the enemy, Satan, will keep the temptation to act out sexually to a minimum for a while. I found that and then I got lax when it came to daily praying against temptation and anything that could lead to it and my easily giving in to it without even a thought. Then a big temptation came my way but I didn't have the strength or will power to say NO. That is why I have found it necessary to daily give it to God and ask for His strength and deliverance.
Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy and we have to be aware of his schemes. Stand strong my friend.
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