Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit to get ready to go to the morning's church service and it's morning Holy Bible study class.
Both the class and the service were wonderful.I had some wonderful fellowship with the members before and after the service.It was yet another wonderful Sunday and I am really smiling at this.After it was all over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into some casual clothes.I proceeded to get my e-mail work done and also,to run at least one errand that needed to be run.Before I did that,I had a quick lunch of a sandwich before setting out to do what I needed to do.
I only went to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple of things that were needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in to watch while relaxing.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more e-mail work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to improve in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when I masturbated.I really felt miserable after that fall and it was really a huge load on me mentally and emotionally.I was also tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.I tossed and turned to resist the temptation to masturbate the erection away and when my penis softened,I fell back asleep.I really need to get some extra strength to resist even more temptations that can rear their ugly heads when least expected.I want to stop this terrible and unclean habit of masturbation and I really need some encouragement and support.Thanks in advance for anyone giving it.
Tomorrow,I have a couple of groups that I must attend.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
1 comment:
Hi there FJ,
Dropped by your blog after eating my first meal of the day, 5:00 p.m. Last night I spent hours coughing and hacking away and when I did get to sleep I looked at the clock and it was 11:30 a.m., so I guess I sure slept after the coughing stopped, relief! Went out and got some more medication so hope to have a better rest tonight.
A couple weeks ago I came to grips with the issue of 'control'. I have thought about it before but not in connection with homosexual acting out. I see how I have so often tried to control it but in reality most of the time it was controlling me. When I verbally said to myself that I was giving up control of it, a pressure lifted that I find hard to explain. I believe that God definitely led me to give up control of it. In the past I really wanted to keep hold of it, I guess because in a way it made me 'feel' alive, vital, something to turn to when I felt pain, stress or something else. During those times I used acting out in some way to control what I was feeling. I just wanted to tell you about what I discovered about 'control', and to ask you if you think that is maybe what you are trying to do when you try not to masturbate. Wondering what your feelings are about this.
Take good care. "Thank you for being a friend...!"
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