Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that was done,I got dressed and I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I first went to the place where we have our group meetings to pick up the new schedule.After doing that,I headed over to the public library to print something from the internet.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a small thing that was needed for dinner.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while until it was time for me to go to my meeting with the pastor of the church that I have been attending worship services at.I was looking forward to this meeting with a lot of enthusiasm.
The meeting was wonderful.After the meeting,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving again very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to act out by masturbating when I was awakened by a morning erection in the wee early morning hours.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really fight this temptation as it was a very strong and overwhelming one this time.I kept tossing and turning repeatedly because this erection was one of the stiffest that I had in a long time.As I have said before,my temptation to masturbate is really strong when I am awakened by a morning erection in the wee early morning hours.I kept tossing and turning until the erection died down and when my genitals were softened,I fell back asleep.I slept until I got up a few hours later.Though I escaped this temptation,the temptation to act out in any other way other than seeking a male partner to act out with can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It isn't easy fighting the temptation to masturbate when you have an erection.I have to continually keep in mind that masturbation will never get me what I want,nor will it give me anything that will help me in my goals to become the man that God intended me to be.In my case,masturbation only helps reinforce the Homosexual identity that I am trying to overcome and disown.Masturbation will never give me affirmation of my gender identity.It also won't give me the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Again,I am open to any suggestions or advice.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ