Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,but still rough.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I called AAA to have them tow my car to the garage so it can get fixed and it is at the garage waiting to get fixed.After that,I did my personal PC work and I simply put on a pair of sweatpants and I relaxed for a while.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
Since my car is in the repair shop waiting to get fixed,I had nothing else to nor any place else to go.So,I relaxed and watched a couple of movies in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty fair day.
My car needs a brake hose.It will be ready tomorrow morning.My life will be back on track again.
My recovery continue to move onward,but the road is still a rough one.I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with BPD and it's symptoms.It is this constant emotional roller coaster ride that I have to put up with and endure.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and feeling not so good.It is usually unpredictable.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts improving soon and I will be feeling good for a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours by masturbating an erection away.I really felt terrible about giving into that and it didn't make me feel different than I did before I gave into that.I have to develop much stronger resistance to this dirty habit.I don't want to masturbate anymore nor act out in other ways.Masturbation is simply a dirty and unclean habit.It won't give me what I truly want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also have to continually keep in mind that acting out in other ways also won't give what I need and want,either.Day after day,I still get tempted to go out and search for male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I simply stay home when that temptation comes and I don't feed nor satisfy that temptation.Acting out,no matter what form of acting out it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to distance myself and escape from.Though I did get some advice and though it works throughout the day when temptation rolls around,I am still seeking advice and/or suggestions as to how I can continue to resist any temptation to act out.Anything is always welcomed.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ