Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rough one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
Today,I went to pick up my car at the garage.It was all fixed up and all I had to do was pay the bill.My niece gave me a ride down there and before heading for the garage,I stopped at a nearby branch of my bank to deposit some money.After the deposit was made,I headed over to the garage and paid the repair bill.After that was paid,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and I got ready to do some more additional work for my mom.
I first went to the post office to mail out something important that had to be mailed out.After that was done,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something else that was needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and decided to get ready for my appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor,which I was almost afraid that I had to cancel as a result of my car troubles.But since I didn't have to,I headed over there to meet with her.
The session with her went wonderful.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my road to recovery continues,despite it being a rough road,I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD.I am still putting up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It does get monotonous and tiresome at times.I sometimes wish that I didn't have to put up with this thing and also that I can feel good for a long while rather than up and feeling good one day and down and feeling not so good the next.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that I will start feeling good for a while in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours twice to masturbate when I was awakened by morning erections at two separate intervals in the wee early morning hours.Both of these were also throbbing erections.At both intervals,I had to get up and walk until both of these erections died down.The first time,I had to use the bathroom and after I was done and the erection died down,I went back to sleep.At the second one,I simply walked back and forth until the erection died down and like the first,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this double whammy,I still get tempted to act out by masturbation whenever these morning erections occur.I try to resist and at times I do fail,but I stay in the fight in overcoming SSA.I also still get tempted to go out and seek other men for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I don't feed nor satisfy that temptation,as I choose to stay home rather than give into it by going out.The temptation to act out in any way,shape or form can rear it's ugly head when least expected and it makes it even more difficult to deal with.I still have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires will never give me what I truly need and want.Acting out will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.I also have to continually keep in mind that God didn't intend for sexuality to be this way nor did he intend for us humans to be Homosexual as he intended everyone,male and female,to be healthy and happy Heterosexuals.The sexual activity between two members of the same gender is not approved of by God because his sacred word,the Holy Bible,condemns such activity.A fellow follower gave me advice to read and keep reading and I am applying this.But still,I am open to any more advice or suggestions as to how I can resist any temptation to act out.Anything offered is appreciated.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ