Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.Despite some setbacks,I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and since my car has to go back into the shop again due to something wrong with the brake mechanism,I phoned my niece and she dropped me off at church this morning.
On the way,my niece and I talked about some things and after dropping me off,I informed her that I would call her the minute that the service over.She left and I joined the Holy Bible study class and an hour an a half later,the worship service.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful as I got quite a lot out of them both.After some wonderful fellowship with the rest of the people,I phoned my niece to pick me up and she dropped me off at home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants.I had a quick lunch and afterwards,I did my personal PC work.
Tomorrow morning,I am going to have my car towed to the garage,to be on the safe side,for them to check out and get back to me regarding what needs to be fixed on it and I am hoping that it will not be too much money.I am just going to hope for the best and expect the worst.
Since the car needs repairs,I had no place to go and nothing to do,so I relaxed and watched a movie or two.I did feel sort of down as a result,but I am still hoping that it isn't that bad.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I watched a TV special.After that,I popped a DVD in the DVD player before doing some last minute personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
My road to recovery continues moving forward,despite a really rough and rocky road.Then again,it goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I don't know when my mood will up and feeling good or when my mood will be down and feeling not so good.It is always the same emotional roller coaster ride that happens continuously with anyone who has this disorder.At times,it happens all in one day when one minute I can be up and feeling good and then the next,down and feeling not so good.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.I have to put up with hearing things that nobody else hears.It makes my recovery even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue taking my medication as directed.I am still hoping that my recovery will improve one of these days where I will be feeling good for a little while instated of this roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one as well.I tried to toss and turn the erection away,but it wasn't working.I simply got up to walk and since I felt that I had to go to the bathroom,I simply headed for the bathroom and my genitals softened.After using the bathroom,I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful.The temptation to act out,no matter what form of it will be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to be watchful.I have to constantly keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires will never give me what I truly need and truly want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I still get tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek out male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as stated,I don't feed nor satisfy that temptation as I simply stay home when that occurs.I still get tempted to act out in other ways,such as fantasies,masturbation to them or simply masturbation for emotional reasons.It can come in any way,shape or form when least expected.I have said it before and I will say it again,though I did get some helpful advice and I am using it to the best of my abilities,I am still open to any more advice or suggestions as to what has worked for anyone who has been following this blog of mine.Thanks in advance for sharing anything helpful.
As for tomorrow,since my car is in need of repair,I don't have anything planned and since I can't go to my usual Monday afternoon group,I will just stay home and take it easy.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ