Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed as usual.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to get on with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.When the week started,I thought that I was going to have to miss this as a result of my car troubles,but since my car is back on the road,I went there and again,looking forward to it.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after lunch,I headed over to see how a friend was doing.After a few minutes with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.I also did some more recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues,but the road is still a very rough road indeed.It is the territory when one does struggle with BPD and it's symptoms.I still have to continually deal and struggle with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.Aside from that,I am also having to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD,which makes the struggle with this even more difficult.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,I will start feeling good for a period of time rather than be on this continuous emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when an erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.It was also another throbbing erection.I have to repeatedly toss and turn until the erection would soften and though it took longer than usual,it did.I went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out in many ways can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to work on my strength to keep up the fight against this temptation.Aside from the temptation to masturbate,I also get tempted to act out in other ways,with the most common temptation being that I get tempted on a daily basis to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as stated,I don't give into that temptation.I simply stay home whenever that temptation rolls around.I also have to continually keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form it is,will never ever satisfy my need for gender identity affirmation nor will it give me the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Acting out,no matter what form it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.The SSA struggle is a really difficult one indeed.I want to do the right thing as God describes in his holy word,the Holy Bible.But my unnatural sexual desires want me to do the opposite.Again,I am still open to any suggestions as what has worked for you in your fights to resist any form of temptation and I will try to put whatever you share with me to the best of my ability.Thanks in advance for sharing.
Tomorrow,I only have a meeting with the pastor of the church on my agenda.As for teh rest of the day,before and after,I haven't got anything else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ