Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,though the road is a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did part of my personal PC work as I had to rush to get ready for my Thursday morning spirituality group as I was looking forward to that.After I was done with that partial PC work,I got dressed and headed over to the group.
The group meeting was wonderful.I got a lot out of it.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch.After eating,I headed for a nearby post office to mail out something important.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I headed back out again to pick up something that my mom needed.After that was paid for,I headed over to a local bargain outlet store to pick up a couple of things for myself.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finally finished all of my personal PC work.I relaxed and popped a movie in the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.Day after day,I am struggling with BPD and its symptoms.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know if I will be up or if I will be down.It sometimes also happens within the same day.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at the same time.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will be feeling good for a long time rather than this constant emotional roller coaster ride that I am usually on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another morning erection.I really had to fight this overwhelming temptation to masturbate the erection away.I tried tossing and turning and it didn't work.The temptation was so overwhelming that I was breathing heavily as the erection was painful and was also a throbbing one.I started to get up and walk around briefly and as I was doing this,the erection started to soften.After it softened,I simply went back to sleep and I slept for several more hours.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Temptation has been really overwhelming me as of late.I have been in the fight to resist these temptations for quite some time now and they have been wearing me out.I am trying to stay strong and using all of what I have got to stay strong in the face of temptation,but it has been extremely difficult.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that happens,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed or satisfy that temptation.Aside from that,I even get tempted to watch pornography and that is another extremely difficult temptation to resist.I know that being tempted isn't a sin,but giving into the temptation is a sin.I am still seeking help and support from everyone who reads this blog of mine.I am really desperate.To all of those who visit this blog,please leave some encouraging words and helpful advice and/or suggestions on how I can stay strong as I want to know what has worked for you and how it worked for you.Please share.Don't just read the posts and leave.Please share something that will encourage me and will help me to stay strong.Thanks in advance for anything left.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ