Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first attended my usual Thursday morning spirituality group.I am always looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there looking forward to the discussions.
The group meeting went well.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after lunch was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up some things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with BPD and the symptoms of it.It is never an easy thing to deal with.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I have to not only put up with the emotional roller coaster ride,but also with hearing things that other people don't/can't hear.But since I have been relying on God more than my own strength,it's only makes it a tad easier.It is still a struggle,but when God is in control,I have really nothing to fear or worry about.It shows that I am not alone in my suffering.God and his son Jesus Christ get me through the toughest things and that is better than nothing.I mean,I still struggle,but with God and Christ Jesus leading the way,the struggle isn't as unbearable as it is when they are not relied upon and that is wonderful.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into the temptation to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated an erection away.After the episode was all over,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for falling.Though I believed that I was forgiven,I still felt miserable for a while and though I did sleep well until the alarm went off,I got up still feeling miserable and guilty, although I believed that I was forgiven.As the day went on,I started to feel better and the guilt and shame of giving into this temptation started to wear down.This time,the fall was more emotional than sexual,although there was a little bit of fantasy involved,but not to the extreme,as it was more emotional as a result of me having an erection.I gave into this episode,but I now have to try and concentrate on things that are holy rather than things that are immoral,explicit,erotic and simply inappropriate as masturbation is also tied to lusting after other humans be they male or female.I have to really work on turning to God in prayer more when these temptations come.I can't do it alone.God and his son Jesus Christ are the only ones that can give me the strength to fight and resist the temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and the temptations can be very overwhelming and strong at times.Again,I have to start praying whenever the temptation to masturbate comes around and to ask for strength and power to fight and resist.I also ask that my fellow followers of my blog please say a prayer or two for me so I can also stay strong enough to fight and resist any temptations.Thanks in advance for doing so.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting with the pastor of the church in the late afternoon.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ