Tonight,my road to recovery marches on.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I had a quick lunch.After lunch,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had only a couple of things to do.
I first went to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple packs of toilet tissue and after paying for those,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few more things there.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I popped a DVD in the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery marches on,but the road is still not an easy one.I still have to struggle with the symptoms of BPD and that is never an easy one.I am usually on an emotional roller coaster ride and that is what makes it difficult.I am in therapy and I do take medication as directed,which I will both continue to do,but the struggle to try and keep my moods on an even scale are never easy.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD.While the struggle with a double whammy like I have is never an easy one,I still rely on God to get me through any of the difficulties.I just turn to God whenever the struggle seems unbearable.He and his son Jesus Christ really do help when asked.I feel better whenever I throw this on them and they get me out.It does make me feel relieved and I am turning to them whenever I do need to talk to them when this struggle seems unbearable.If I don't, I won't know whether I am coming or going.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections at a few separate intervals in the morning.This real whammy was really overwhelming me as it felt like the desire to masturbate an erection away was starting to overtake me.As the wee early morning hours were moving forward,I started to pray to God to give me strength to fight and resist this temptation to masturbate.I was still sleepy and as a result,my speech wasn't really straightforward as a result of the drowsiness and tiredness,but I managed to get some words out before falling back asleep while talking to God.I did escape this episode thanks to God,but the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.At times,the temptation to act out can be very overwhelming and also,unbearable.But again,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through any temptation.After that,the temptation simply fades into non-existence.I feel better and I can carry on without thinking about the temptations.I even try reading the recommended Holy Bible readings in the daily devotions that I receive in my e-mail.I have to continually rely on God and Christ more than on my own strength as that is the only way that I will get anywhere in these struggles.I also ask that those reading these posts also pray for me as well.I would appreciate that.Thanks.
Tomorrow,it is church as usual in the morning.Regarding the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ