Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Monday afternoon building and improving self esteem group and I was looking forward to it.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group went well.After it was over,I headed over to the hospital to spend a few minutes with my mom and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I called my niece over to help me with some more cleaning up around the house and later on,my sisters came over to help out more.The cleaning took several hours,but we did get a lot more done.After they left,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched a little more TV and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery moves onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is never an easy thing to deal with and it does get really hard at times.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.Each and every day has it's own difficulties.Then again,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable.I simply take it to them and they help sustain me.I feel a little bit better once I have taken it to both God and Christ and I can simply move on after that.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was also another overwhelming urge as I really had to fight to resist this temptation.I simply started sitting up and the erection started to soften and after a few minutes,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.The urge to give into this temptation can be very overwhelming indeed.I am always at war with the desire to do the right thing in God's eyes and to indulge in the sinful sexual activity that is associated with the so called "Gay" lifestyle.My battle to continue doing to right thing still rages on.But as I have said before,I still continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the urge to indulge in anything sinful seems to get too overwhelming.Whenever the temptation to act out comes around and the temptation is really strong,I simply take it to God in the name of son Jesus Christ and I really talk it out to them and afterwards,I feel better.I then can move on with the rest of the day.It is wonderful to have God and Christ leading the way and not letting me be really overwhelmed by temptation.It is great.Thanks to both and Christ for all of their help.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ