Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I,after I helped my mom out and after my niece took over,I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.My niece stayed at the house for much of the day.
I stayed home for much of the day helping out with the cleaning up.It was a lot of work to do and all,but we got a lot more done than we planned on getting done.It took several hours,but we got more done and I also ran errands when I had to run them.After several hours,my sisters left and I relaxed for a while as I was tired.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I don't know how I will be from day to day or from minute to minute within the same day.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.The emotional roller coaster ride can get pretty monotonous at times.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.While that can be so,I am still continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to get way too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk to them about it and afterwards,I feel a little bit better.Thanks to both of them for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I simply got up as I had to get up and help my mom out because she had to go to the bathroom.After helping her out,I went back to sleep.I was fortunate for that as that was my means of escape.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful.The temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a fight against these unnatural desires and the temptations that I get to act out on them.The struggle to do the right thing in the eyes of God can be a really difficult one.The unnatural desires that I have want me to indulge in sinful sexual activity with other men,but I want to do the right thing and NOT act out on these unnatural desires that I have.The desires that I have want me to do the opposite,but I simply have chosen to NOT act out on them.Though the struggle is a difficult one,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever it seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply throw the temptations onto God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help sustain me.I simply talk about the temptation until the temptation is nil and after that,I can move on with the rest of the day.If it happens again on the same day,I simply take it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ again and after that,I continue moving forward.If I do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that and after that,I feel better as the slate is wiped clean.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for taking the wheel,leading the way and guiding me away from anything evil.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend and a lunch at a local kitchen.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ