Tonight,my road to recovery,though it will be rocky for a while,is continuing to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things to do.When the afternoon hit,I headed over to my weekly building and improving self esteem group and I was looking forward to that with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there expecting to get quite a bit out of it.
The meeting went well.After it was all over,I was hoping to meet with someone in their office at the group site to have an aid application filled out,nut the person wasn't in as he was sick.I headed for home a little disappointed.I will have to call tomorrow to see if he is in so I can get it filled out.
On the way home,I stopped in to see how a friend of mine was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.I never know if my mood will be up or down.It varies day to day and at times,from minute to minute.I can never predict ahead of time how my mood will be.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the BPD struggle even more difficult for me.Aside from the BPD emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with hearing things,sounds or voices that nobody else hears or even knows about.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am also still going to continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about my struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help sustain me.It is simply a matter of sharing my struggles with God and after that,feeling only a tad batter as a result.It shows that I am not alone in this struggle and that feels good.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This was another very overwhelming temptation.I really had the urge to grab my genitals and masturbate the erection away as it was,again,a very overwhelming one.I simply sat up in bed and after about a couple of minutes,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to always be on guard and be watchful as I never know when the temptation will hit.I know that being tempted is not a sin,but giving into temptation is a sin.I am always at war with these unnatural desires that I have and the battle to fight and resist is a very difficult one.It is just that I refuse to surrender to these unnatural desires that I have,even though resistance to the temptation to act out on them is a very difficult one.When it gets to be getting too extreme,I am still going too continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the temptation to act out in any way comes around.I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.The best thing about this is that God is there to help anyone who is tempted to sin and he is there to help with the removal of any sort of temptation.It is wonderful that I am not alone in my struggle.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ