Tonight,my road to recovery,though still a little rocky,continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and headed over to my Men's Network group meeting and I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The meeting was wonderful and after it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby Dollar Tree store to pick up a jar of pizza sauce and after paying for that,I headed over to a local supermarket the minute that I got back into town.After paying for the items that I purchased,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into my home suit and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I had myself some lunch before setting up a stereo system that I have been meaning to set up for a long time.After that was done,I tested it out and it works beautifully for me to enjoy forever.I simply relaxed and listened to some music for a while and a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,the road will still be rocky for a while as a result of my mom passing away two weeks ago.It is going to be quite a while for me to adjust to her absence from my life.I actually lived with her in the same house until the day that she died.I am now here all alone in the house and I am hoping that soon,all the legal business will be over and this house will be mine to live in until the day that I die.I am also still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.I still go to therapy and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.When that happens,I simply turn to God in prayer and ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help get me through and they both help in sustaining me.It is simply a matter of having both God and Christ handle everything as they provide power beyond what any human therapy can give.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do for me.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This urge was overwhelming and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this urge.As usual,I started to sit up in bed and while I was sitting up,the erection softened and after it was fully dead,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I am still staying on guard and being watchful.The temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it makes itself to be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always on guard and being watchful as that temptation can rear it's ugly head whenever possible.At times,I feel like throwing in the towel and surrendering to the desires that I have,but I willfully refuse to do that as that is what Satan wants me to do.Whenever I feel like doing that,I still turn to God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle is trying to get the better of me.I simply throw any temptations on God in the name of Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.It is simply a matter of throwing everything on God in the name of Jesus Christ,his son,and having that temptation reduced to nothing.If I do ever give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I feel better as God has forgiven and forgotten my sins.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for being there and for helping me get through any form of temptation.Thanks again.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual,including the morning's Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ