Tonight,though still rocky,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a couple of things planned.
I had an appointment to meet with a caseworker at a local office.The appointment was prepared for me ahead of time a few days ago and I was looking forward to this.I headed over to the local office.Before that,I went to the post office to mail out an important bill payment.
The meeting went as well as expected.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something that I needed.After paying for it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still having to deal with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood or emotions will be.I can be up and feeling good one day or one minute,while the next day or minute,down and not so good.It is a very complex ride of emotions.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult as I am always putting up with hearing things or sounds that nobody else hears.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and Christ for all of their help.I simply talk about my BPD struggles with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they help in sustaining me.The struggle with any type of mental disorder is never an easy one,especially when you are someone,such as myself,with the diagnosis that I have.It is never an easy thing to deal with,but talking about the struggle with God and his son Jesus Christ does make it a tad easier as they help in keeping me more at ease so I don't go up the wall(so to speak)or goo beyond any more that I can bear.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for all their help as they give strength beyond what any human therapy can give.Thanks again to both God and Christ.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was very overwhelming.I simply sat up for a while and didn't lay back down until the erection softened.After it did,I laid down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I am still getting tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have in many ways.There are lots of ways that anyone who struggles with SSA can act out on the unnatural desires that they have and it is not just going out to seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.A person who struggles with SSA can get tempted to masturbate or to watch porn or both.They can also get tempted to fantasize with or lust after other members of their own gender.The ways are very numerous.I get tempted to do all of these things and it is never an easy thing to deal with when temptation knocks on the spiritual door to get anyone to act out on the unnatural desires that one has when struggling with SSA.I am still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for it's own good.I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and the temptation is reduced to nil.It is simply a matter of talking about the struggle with God and asking for help in resisting the temptation.After that,I can move on as the temptation is reduced to nil.If I ever do give into any type of temptation,I simply ask God in the name of Jesus Christ too forgive me and after that,I feel better as my sin is forgotten by God as the slate is wiped clean.God forgives over and over as he and his son are both very loving indeed.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ