Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good,but stressful,day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,my usual quick breakfast followed,alongside my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I was hoping to go to my Thursday spirituality group,but to unforeseen circumstances beyond my control,such as heavy snow and being snowed in my driveway,I couldn't go to the group and I even called them to let them know of my situation.After that,I did much of my personal PC work and got dressed to do what I had to do.
There was a big mountain of snow at the end of my driveway and I went out to shovel all of that and I knew that it would take me several hours to do.I bundled up in warm clothing and headed outside to do my shoveling.
I was just starting to shovel,but fortunately,my across the street's neighbor's brother in-law was driving his plow and he offered to plow the driveway for me at no cost to me.I let him and he cleared everything within a matter of minutes.After he was done,I thanked him and started to shovel the sidewalk right next to my house and after that was done,I warmed up my car and proceeded to get the snow and ice off that was covering it.It took a bit of doing,but I managed to get the vast majority of it off.I also had to shovel a big hill of snow in the back of my car so I would be able to back-up out of the driveway to go places.After I was finished cleaning off my car,I went in and started to drive off,but I had a really difficult time backing up.I had to really fight the elements as I was trying to get out.I got stuck a few times,but I persisted and persevered and finally,I got out and I headed over to the bank to deposit some money and I did a little shopping at the nearby Dollar Tree store.After doing that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing.After talking with him for a few minutes,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put what I bought away and went back out to do some more shoveling.I shoveled the sidewalk in front of the house and I also did the sidewalk in front of my next door neighbor's house and the sidewalk leading right up to her house and I even shoveled her steps.After that was done,I went back into the house.
When I got in the house,I fixed a light lunch and I finished my personal PC work.I also went over to my sister's house to pick up something that she had for me.After that,I headed back home and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got back home,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good,but stressful,day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
In my neck of the woods,Winter is back.We had a snow storm overnight and it gave us a very thick,but wet,blanket of snow.We are supposed to get really cold tonight and some freezing drizzle,which I hope won't be that bad.
While my rocky road to recovery continues onward,I am still battling and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next.It is a very complex struggle that I am going through and it never gets and easier.I also continue to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and they both help in sustaining me and keeping me at an even keel.It shows that I don't have to go through this struggle alone and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation by masturbating in the wee early morning hours.I had a throbbing erection and I gave into the urge to masturbate and while I did that,sexual images of men clouded up my mind.I asked God to forgive me for sinning and I asked for that forgiveness in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I did feel better as a result.I even Thanked God for sending me that person in the snow plow to help me out and eased my stressful work load in shoveling all of that snow.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ all day as I went through the day as temptations kept coming at me left and right.I kept throwing every temptation on God in the name of his Christ Jesus and I felt better.I kept asking for strength to fight and resist every temptation that came at me.I didn't want to sin against God anymore today.I have to admit that there are times that I want to throw in the towel and fulfill all those lustful and sinful sexual cravings for men,but I have willfully chosen not to do that.I choose to continue fighting these terrible unnatural desires that I have and keep throwing every temptation on God in the name of his son Christ Jesus.I stay in the fight and continually tell the enemy,Satan,the devil,that I am not throwing in the towel.I may fall short at times,but I am staying my ground and sticking to my guns(so to speak)by continuing on this journey out of this terrible SSA.I am also again asking for prayers by those who continually follow my blog and read the posts that I write on here and also,I again ask that you please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight against this terrible SSA.I also will keep praying myself.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ