Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty stressful day today.
Today,I overslept and when I finally woke up and got out of bed,I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning Spirituality group,which went great and after that was over,I headed over to the local kitchen to have lunch and after that,I headed for home,but that is when the stressful part of the day had begun.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to try and pay my phone bill,but they told me that they only take cash or personal checks and nothing else.I headed over to another local supermarket,but they gave me almost the same thing as the last one did.I even went to my insurance agent's office to pay on my car insurance,but they told me that I had to pay an almost $8.00 fee to use a credit card to pay.I headed over to the post office to get a money order to pay the insurance and when I got that done,I headed back to the post office to get another money order to send out the phone bill payment.After that was finally done,I headed over to a friend's place to pay him money that I owed him and after that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put on my home suit and finally got around to doing my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to watch a little TV.Before I did any of that,I called the phone company to let them know that they payment,though a little late,was on the way to them and that I sent it out via three day Priority Mail.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty stressful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still on my daily struggle with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.I never know how my emotions and/or moods will be.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It also shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,this time,I am going to be very blunt and honest with all of you.I have fallen three consecutive times this week to the terrible temptations associated with SSA.Why have I fallen?My emotions have been in a tailspin as a result of some negative things that people have said.They have said that there is no such thing as God or Jesus Christ and also,that I am mentally ill for believing in God and praying to him constantly.They also said that the Holy Bible was nothing more than a mere book of fairy tales written by men and is not relevant and that anyone who believes in the Holy Bible is irrelevant.This really put me in a tizzy.I fell three consecutive times to masturbation over the past three days.There were also lustful thoughts accompanying these falls as well.I kept asking God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for the failings and to show me his mercy in forgiving me as I was really sorry for falling those three consecutive times.I really poured my heart and soul out to him and though I did feel better,I still need to work on getting over this emotional tailspin that I am in and also,the stressful day that I had today also didn't help much as lustful thoughts continued to creep into my mind.I really feel bad and really need some prayerful support from everyone who follows my blog and reads the posts.I am also in need of positive encouragement in the comments section.I am going to continue asking for prayers by everyone who follows and reads my blog and again,please leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I am really in desperate need of both of these things.I will also continue praying.Thanks in advance to all of those who follow my blog for all of their prayers and encouragement.I will also continue to pray and I still thank God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my therapist.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ