Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues unabated.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to see my therapist and the session went well.After that,I headed over to a friend's place to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I was hoping to head over to the bank to cash a check,but the time that I arrived at K-Mart,it was too late as the bank was closed.I will just have to do that tomorrow before anything else.After doing that,I stopped at another friends place to see how he was doing.After talking with him for a few minutes,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues unabated,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next or from one minute/moment to the next.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone in this particular struggle and that is very good.It is also great that God and Christ are there to help out when asked.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am again going to be very blunt and honest with all of you who follow and read my blog posts.I have been tempted left and right as of late.I admit that early this morning,I gave into that terrible habit of masturbation and it was to sexual images of men.Lately,sex has been clouding my mind.It has been coming into my mind through many forms.It just won't leave me alone.I don't want to think of anything sexual in regards to men or even members of the opposite gender for that matter.I just want the sexual thoughts to disappear.I don't want to think about them anymore.There are times that this gets so terrible that I feel like throwing in the towel and start seeking other men to indulge in sinful sexual activity with them,but I willfully refuse to do that.I have chosen to stand my ground.I am willfully refusing to give Satan,the author of the sinful sexual activity between two members of the same gender and every immoral sexual activity,any satisfaction.I also refuse to let anyone who inadvertently represents Satan,which are those so called "Gay" activists,mental health professionals who constantly advise those who want to break free from that type of sexual immorality to embrace the identity and go out and live their lives as such and even all of those news media stories reporting constantly of those who choose to live that immoral and sinful sexual lifestyle that they label the so called "Gay" lifestyle getting married to each other,when in reality,God made man and woman and only approves of healthy and happy Heterosexuality as God doesn't acknowledge anything else other than that.I have chosen to stand my ground and tell that wicked and powerful angel who is called Satan that I am not giving him what he wants.I refuse to live that terrible sinful sexual lifestyle,including indulging in all the sinful sexual activity connected with it.This isn't an easy choice,I understand.But it is the choice that I am making and I am telling Satan to go to Hell where he belongs.When I did give into the temptation to that terrible unclean and impure masturbation habit,I humbly asked for God's forgiveness in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I also begged for God's mercy because I have been falling so much lately that I always feel unworthy of his forgiveness,his love and his mercy.I felt better afterwards.Again,I am asking that everyone who follows and reads my blog posts to please continue in prayer for me as I am in real desperate need of it.I also ask that all of you who follows and read my blog to also please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.As I have said before and I will say it again,both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this difficult fight against this terrible SSA and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.Please don't be shy.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets a lot of visitors,but none of them ever leave an encouraging word or two for me to help keep me going in this difficult fight against this terrible SSA and the unnatural desires associated with it.Please pray for me and leave an encouraging word or two for me.I would really appreciate all of that.Thanks in advance to all of you for all of your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Christ Jesus for all that they provide and also,Thank You God for your forgiveness,your mercy and for making me a male.
Tomorrow,I am going to cash that check and get my much needed money and after that,I am going over to my sister's house to do my laundry.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ