Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed,did my personal PC work and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Spirituality group and the group went well.I got a lot out of it.After the group was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for some lunch.After lunch,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend was doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while as I was feeling a little tired.Later on,I watched a movie.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My emotions and/or moods vary from day to day,or at times,from minute/moment to minute/moment.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggles with both BPD and SSA even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I never have nothing to worry about nor fear as they are leading the way in this particular struggle.I also feel a tad better knowing that they are.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming urge.It didn't last too long as I had to get up and use the bathroom.The erection softened as I was heading for there and after I was done,the erection had died down and I went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation by manipulating my genitals and there was also lusting involved,but I stopped myself before it went too far and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for doing that unclean and impure thing.I felt better afterwards,but I was still in the daily battle over these unnatural desires that I have.As with the last several days as a result of some complex emotional patterns,my mind was being preoccupied with sexual thoughts of men and lusting.I really want to stop thinking about sex and I want to own the unnatural desires that I have and not have them own me.I also don't want to think of sexual things connected with the unnatural desires that I have any more.I am again asking that everyone who follows my blog and reads the posts to continue praying for me as I am going through all of this complexity.I also ask that none of you be shy and say an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ