Today,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as i had only a couple things on my agenda for today.
I first stopped at a local gas station to get some gas and after that was done,I headed over to the public library to print something important out of my e-mail.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and simply watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minuet/moment.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I have nothing to fear nor worry about and that is good and relying more on God and Christ makes me feel a tad better as they help beyond what any human therapy can do.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep,though it didn't last very long.I sat up for a while and as I started sitting up,the erection started to soften and I laid back down and back to sleep when my genitals were soft enough for me to do so.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,and yes,there was lusting and fantasies involved.The root cause of this was because I had just gotten up out of bed and I was still feeling tired and drowsy as a result of a side effect from the psychiatric medication that I take as directed and when I am tired or drowsy,sexual images of men can creep up into my mind and I get the urge to play with my genitals as a way of fantasizing with those images and near/full erections happen and orgasm follows right behind that.I immediately stopped this and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for falling short and I did feel better after doing so.Apparently,Satan and his minions are trying real hard to get me to reconsider returning to that sinful sexual lifestyle know as the so called "Gay" lifestyle and I willfully refuse to give the devil what he wants.Satan is using everything in his own power to get me to go against God's perfect law,which is the Holy Bible,and sin for the heck of it.Again,I willfully refuse to do that.Throughout the day,I kept up in prayer to God and asked him in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to fight and resist these temptations as each and every time you resist any temptation,they keep coming back stronger than the last time.The more resistance one puts up,the more stronger the temptations come back.It is always a difficult struggle to do what is right in the eyes of God,but it can be done with his help if it is asked by the individual who struggles with anything that is sinful and is trying their best to try and please God,though there will be failures along the way.While I am keeping up in prayer,I am also again asking that everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts to continue praying for me as I am going through all of this and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I really need prayers and encouraging words and I ask that you please pray and leave something encouraging for me in the comments section.I simply refuse to let the unnatural desires that I have that are connected to SSA define nor dictate to me how I will be as a person.I refuse to accept no other identity,other than the true identity that I am,which is male/man and that I am human,which is all that I accept about myself.I refuse to accept the identity of Homosexual/Gay as there is no such thing as a Homosexual/Gay person,just the Homosexual condition.Please keep up in prayer for me and also,please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section as both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA condition.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and Christ Jesus for being there for me in this fight and for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my case worker.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.\
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ