Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I immediately got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Big Lots to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple more things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight and stayed home for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my home suit.After hanging up my dress clothes,I put the stuff that I bought away and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I relaxed and listened to a little bit of music.I also managed to watch a couple of DVD's as well.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day,as for me,going to church on Sunday makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes alongside it.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next.It is always an up and down thing for me and that can be tiresome as well as monotonous for me at times.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows me that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that I have nothing to worry about or fear.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I had to use all of my own strength to fight and resist this overwhelming urge.I tossed and turned,but the erection still continues to throb.I sat up and I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,I headed for there and the erection started to soften.After finishing in the bathroom,my genitals were now fully soft and I went right back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in sexual fantasies and lusting after other men and also,to manipulate my genitals while doing that.When these temptations came around,I prayed real hard for God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist all of these temptations that came at me from all sides.I prayed hard and kept praying until the temptations were reduced to nil and I would move on with the rest of the day.It is really difficult struggling with this terrible SSA.I am always in a daily battle with these unnatural sexual desires that I have and it is always a difficult battle that is fought.I get tempted to act out all the time and whenever these temptations seemingly get way too overwhelming,I go to God in prayer and ask him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to give me the strength to fight and resist these overwhelming urges.I am also learning on my own that the urges get stronger the more that they are resisted.It shoes that Satan is working hard to get me to go against God's perfect law in regards to sexuality and that can be really difficult to resist.I am also learning that it is much easier to give into any type of temptation as opposed to resisting the temptations.But again,I kept up in prayer to God all day and I didn't cease.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than give into that type of temptation.Why?It is because that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I truly want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go along with that affirmation.It will also make me feeling even more empty and yearning for more as the fulfillment is only temporary.But aside from that type of temptation,I am still getting tempted to act out by lusting,fantasies and by manipulating my genitals to get them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,though orgasm does happen when I do that.I had to continue in my fight and keep asking God in the name of his son Christ Jesus for strength to fight and resist all of these temptations.While I am still keeping up in prayer,I am still continuing to ask that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to continue praying for me as I am going through all of this and also,to please not be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.My blog does get visitors,but I rarely get any comments and/or encouraging words in the comments section.Both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA.Please don't be shy when visiting and reading my blog and please leave an encouraging word or two for me and also,please continue in prayer for me as I am in so desperate need of prayer.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ