Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a couple of things planned.
I first went over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things and after paying for those,I decided to drop off a few free newspapers for a few people that I know in the area and after that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I decided to relax and watch a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or,one minute/moment to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his Christ Jesus whenever this struggle seems to be dragging me down and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better knowing that they are there.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to indulge in masturbation in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection,though like yesterday morning,it didn't last very long.I sat up for a while and I didn't lay back down until the erection softened and it did take a while for it to do so.When it was finally soft,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation to manipulate my genitals while still in bed trying to wake up and be fully awake,and yes,there were lustful and sexual images of men creeping into my mind while doing so.I stopped this and after getting out of bed,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him by doing this unclean thing.Though I know that this doesn't excuse nor justify this sinning,I was still tired and still in bed trying to fully wake up and all of those nasty lustful and sexual images of men crept up into my mind and it subsequently led me to start manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or near the point of orgasm and stopping,but I did stop myself and as stated,I asked God in the name of Jesus Christ to forgive me for that particular fall.Throughout the day,I was tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have from all sides.I had to really keep up in prayer to God in the name of Jesus Christ and I kept asking for strength to fight and resist all of these temptations that were coming at me.I prayed real hard and each time I finished praying,I felt better as I knew that God and Christ both heard me and I would move on with the rest of my day.At times,I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of hoping to hook up with one and indulge in sinful sexual activity with them,but I willfully choose to stay home whenever that particular temptation comes around.I also pray that I don't fall into temptation in other various ways,such as looking at porn and/or drifting off into fantasies and lusting.Without God,I wouldn't get anywhere and I would be still stuck in the SSA trap and each night before going to bed,I continually say thanks to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ for setting me free from the trap of SSA.Though I am keeping up in prayer to God in the name of his son Christ Jesus,I am also again asking all of you who continually visit my blog and read the posts that I write here to keep up in prayer for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time.Please continue in prayer for me and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging comment or two in the comments section.It is just that my blog does get a lot of visitors,but they usually don't leave any encouraging words for me in the comments section.Why don't they ever leave anything encouraging for me in the comments section?They visit,but don't leave anything in the comments section that could encourage me to continue in this fight against this terrible SSA.Again,please don't hesitate to leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section and also,please continue praying for me as well.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and words of encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,the only thing that I have planned is an evening dinner over at my church,which will be happening every Wednesday night until March 20th.As for the most of the day,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ