Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues to go on as usual.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and i got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to drop off a job application at the city school district building and I headed back home to do some snow shoveling on the sidewalk leading to the mailbox and to the back porch and after that was done,I relaxed for a while.
I also had a scheduled meeting with the pastor of my church.I wanted to discuss with him about starting to have relationships with the other men in the congregation as well as how I can talk to them about my struggles with SSA.I understand that it is a tricky thing to talk about with other men,especially if they really don't know anything about this particular struggle and what leads anyone to have struggles of this nature.
The short meeting went great and after it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw a little money and after that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues to go on as usual,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It's bad enough that I have to put up with the emotional ups and downs of BPD,but what makes the struggle worse is that I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that means putting up with hallucinatory stuff that only I can hear and nobody else can.It's difficult enduring with the double whammy that I have as far as having a psychiatric disability goes.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone as far as this struggle goes and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I sat up and didn't lay back down until the erection had softened.When it did,though it took a while for the erection to soften,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purposes of getting them near/fully erect and/or near the point of orgasm and stopping and yes,there was a little bit of lusting involved.I stopped myself and I immediately asked God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I felt better as I truly believed that I was forgiven.I was still tempted throughout the day to indulge in even more fantasy styled stuff and I kept up in prayer all day as they came around.I kept up asking God in the name of his son Christ Jesus to give me strength to fight and resist every temptation that came at me and I did feel better.I will have to keep on remembering to keep going to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever these terrible temptations come at me from all sides.I can't let these unnatural desires that I have own me.I have to show these unnatural desires that I have that I own them and not the other way around.Please keep up in prayer for me as I am going through this and also pray that I start having some healthy,authentic and real Christian friendships with other men because I really want to heal and overcome this terrible SSA.Please keep up in prayer for me and also,please leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section as both your prayers and encouragement help keep me going in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA and make me even more determined to overcome SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for all of your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ