Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I was actually hoping to get myself a replacement tire for my car's passenger side rear wheel,but today,the weather was snowy and COLD!I simply kept my travels close to home and drove much more carefully as a result of the roads really being covered with snow and you never know if there is a patch of ice underneath the snow covered roads.I simply went to a few local stores to pick up things that I needed and after I was done at those stores,I went straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I went back outside to shovel the sidewalk for the mail carrier and also leading up to the back porch.I also shoveled the back porch and after I was done shoveling,I went back inside the house and stayed home for the rest of the day.
I simply relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty fair day as I couldn't do everything that I wanted to get done accomplished as a result of the snow storm.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.If having to struggle with BPD isn't bad enough,I also have to struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have,as that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more of God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever I need to talk about it and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone here in this particular struggle and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again visited by temptation to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I sat up for a while and didn't go back to sleep until the erection softened.It took a while,but the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation after getting up.I gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or near the point of orgasm and stopping and yes,there was lusting involved.I stopped myself before it went too far and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for the fall and after praying,I felt better as I truly believed that I was forgiven.I kept up in prayer all day as the temptation to act out by fantasies,lusting and masturbating to those types of things were really coming at me.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Christ Jesus to give me the strength to fight and resist these urges as they kept coming at me from all sides.After that fall this morning,I didn't want to fall again.I kept up praying all through the day and I never ceased praying.I always felt better after praying as I truly believed that God and Christ were there to help me when I asked them for help.I am always tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have that are connected with SSA and they can get ugly and very overwhelming.The urges can be very strong at times.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that type of temptation comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home as I know what my needs are in that regard and those needs,which are emotional in nature,are not sexual and acting out sexually is never going to give me what I truly want and,most importantly,need.I also have to continue keeping in mind that we men are biologically hard-wired to be compatible with a female and that we men's bodies are not to be used for the sinful purpose of indulging in any sinful sexual activity,including,but not limited to,the sinful sexual activity between two members of the same gender.God,when he created us humans,never intended for two members of the same gender to indulge in any type of sexual activity with each other and as the Holy Bible says in it's own words,that this type of thing is forbidden by God.I have to continually keep these things in mind.I am also again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read the posts to continue praying for me as I am going through all of these things.Please continue to keep up in prayer for me and also,don't be shy by just visiting my blog,but leave an encouraging comment or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging comments help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.I am not saying that my neediness of having my emotional needs met are terrible.I am saying that the unnatural desires that I have that are connected with SSA are terrible.It is just that my blog does get visitors,but nobody ever leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Please share an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section and also,please continue to keep up in prayer for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ