Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.When that was finished,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I really didn't have too much to do today.I simply decided to head to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my emotions and/or moods will be.They fluctuate by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.It can be pretty tiresome and pretty monotonous at times and it does make me wish that I didn't have to go through this particular struggle.It having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.With the schizophrenic tendencies,I also have to put up with hallucinations,such as hearing footsteps,hearing voices calling out my name and when I turn around,there is nothing nor anyone there.At times,I just want to shout out and say something like "Why are you doing this to me whoever you are?!" and/or "Why won't you just show yourself rather than hide from me?!"I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to seek God and his son Jesus Christ and also,to continue relying on them whenever the struggles seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ,I let the both of them take the lead and they both in keep me sustained.I am never alone in this particular struggle and with them leading the way and making sure that the hallucinations and the mood/emotional fluctuations don't get any worse,it makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I tossed and turned,but it only made the erection throb more.At the same time,since I was still in a drowsy state and still in bed,sexual images of men were creeping up into my mind.I simply decided to start sitting up and I sensed that I had to use the bathroom.I walked to the bathroom and the erection started to soften as I was walking there.After I was finished,my genitals were now fully soft and I went back to sleep and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation after getting up while I was sitting in a chair and I started to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,and yes,sexual images of men did cloud my mind.The root cause of this,though I am not saying it justifies this,was that I was still tired and drowsy and hadn't fully awakened,though I had just gotten out of bed.I stopped myself and I immediately prayed to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for the fall and after I was finished,I felt better as I truly believed that I was forgiven.I kept up in prayer all day to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ as I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in fantasies and lusting and also,to manipulate my genitals at the same time to all of that.I kept up in prayer to God all day and continually asked him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to give me strength to fight and resist all of these temptations and I felt better and much stronger after praying.Those nasty temptations keep coming at me and I know that it is Satan and his minions that are responsible for them.Though I have been doing that all day,I am again continuing to ask that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts here to continue praying for me.I really need prayers and I am so desperately in need of other men supporting me in this fight and struggle against SSA.Please continue in prayer for me and also,please don't be shy by leaving an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome SSA.I would really appreciate prayers and encouraging words by all of you.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ