Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward and onward,despite some setbacks.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
Today,we had some snowfall that started overnight and lasted all morning.It was pretty light,but the weather was chilly.I simply stayed home and took it easy for a while.The area where I live will be getting some more light snowfall and there will be some chilly temps,so I decided to just stay home and take it easy for the day.
I simply used the day to catch up on some much needed work that I have been putting off.After that was done,I decided to wait until the time so I could go to a church dinner that was being held tonight.When the time came,I headed over there.
The church dinner was wonderful.The food and the fellowship were both wonderful.I got so much out of it.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got into my pajamas and relaxed for a while until I was ready for bed.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward and onward,despite some setbacks,I am still on my daily struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.The emotional roller coaster ride of BPD can wear me out at times.It does as I never know how I will be mood-wise and/or emotional-wise.They vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle with my psychiatric disorder and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to indulge in masturbation,lusting and fantasies in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This was yet another overwhelming urge to indulge in these sinful and immoral practices.I tossed and turned,but that only made the erection throb even more violently.All of a sudden,I felt that I had to use the bathroom,so I got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom.As I headed for there,the erection started to soften,but it was pretty slow going.After I was finished in the bathroom,my genitals returned to their typical softened state,I went back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into yet another episode when after finally getting out of bed,I gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose getting near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.There was also lusting after other men and fantasies involved as well where I wound up talking to myself imagining that I was indulging in immoral and sinful sexual activity with other men.Before it went too far,I stopped myself and I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning this morning and I really prayed hard.After I was finished,I felt better as I truly believed that I was forgiven by God for my sins.Throughout the day,I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever the temptation to indulge in anything sinful connected with SSA and the unnatural desires that I have that are also connected with SSA.I kept up in prayer and I really prayed hard as I didn't want to sin nor displease God in any way,shape or form.I am learning day after day that the struggle with SSA is a very difficult one at that.It is easier to surrender to the unnatural desires than it is to fight and resist them.Satan and his minions are really working hard to get me to disobey God's perfect law in regards to sexuality,but I am always choosing too fight and make a stand,but Satan and his minions continue to make it tougher and even more difficult by the day.I do keep up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ constantly and I constantly ask for strength to fight and resist these temptations to indulge in fantasies,lusting and to manipulate my genitals alongside them.Again,it gets even more difficult by the day and at times,Satan and his minions will try to wear me out.But again, I have God and his son Christ Jesus intervene and I do feel better knowing that they are leading the way.Though I have been doing this,I am also continuing to ask that all of you who continue to follow my blog and read the posts to continue praying for me as I am going through all of these emotional issues.I also ask that you please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments that are encouraging are rare as they usually don't leave any.I only ask for these things because your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my healing journey from SSA and make me even determined to continue in overcoming SSA at the same time.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have my usual spirituality group and also,lunch at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ