Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed,did my personal PC work and proceeded with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things on my agenda today.I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group,which went well and after that,I had lunch at a local kitchen.After lunch,I headed to a gas station to get some gas and after that was done,I headed for the public library to print something and after that was done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a few things and after paying for them,I left and stopped in on a friend to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and I took it easy.
After eating dinner,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.It can be pretty tiresome and monotonous at times.If having BPD isn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I sat up for a while and I didn't lay back down until the erection softened.When it did,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was again later tempted to indulge in fantasies,lusting and to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of attaining near/full erection and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,but instead of giving into that entire temptation pattern,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist all of these things.I prayed hard and I pleaded with God in the name of his son Christ Jesus to give me the strength to fight and resist.After praying,I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and after that,I showered to clean up and get ready for the day.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ all day as these terrible temptations kept coming at me.I continuously prayed to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to fight and resist all of these terrible temptations that were coming at me.I kept it up all day as I didn't want to sin nor displease God in any way,shape or form.I am serious about wanting to heal from SSA and I don't want to continuously fall short as I had done in the last three weeks,where I fell two consecutive times one week,once the second week,and two consecutive times within a twelve hour period the third week.I really want to work hard at fighting hard to resist all of these terrible things and also,to get my mind cleared of all sexual and lustful images of men.I want to think positive thoughts of members of my own gender and also,to look at them in a Christian light,which is as brothers in a spiritual and Christian way and not for any of the selfish intentions and unnatural desires that I have for them.I also want to start thinking of them as the same as I am inside and out,as I am a male and a man and that m body is meant for compatibility with a female,but I also don't want to start thinking lustful thoughts of women either as lust,as a whole,is condemned in the Holy Bible as lust breeds obsession,infatuation and in itself,represents selfishness of the highest degree.Though I have been keeping up in prayer myself,I am also continuing to ask that everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts to continue praying for me as I am going through all of this.Please continue praying for me and also,please do leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section as both your prayers and your encouraging comments both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in the healing process from SSA and the unnatural desires connected with SSA.It is just that my blog gets many visitors,but comments are rare.Please don't be afraid to speak some encouraging words in the comments as I so desperately need some encouragement as well as prayers.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,the only thing that I have planned is to meet with some job placement people to become a client and help me find work and also,lunch at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ