Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did 4/5 of my personal PC work.When that was done,I headed for the bank to withdraw some much needed money and after that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the money away and I finished my personal PC work.After that was done,since I had no place to go and nothing to do,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also popped a DVD in the DVD player and I watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It is always difficult and it never seems to get any better.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable and/or overwhelming for me to handle.Whenever it seems to be getting that way as I just mentioned,I take this particular struggle to God and ask him to help get me through all of the ups and downs and hallucinatory effects of what I have psychiatric disability wise and both God and Christ Jesus help in sustaining me.With them helping me and leading the way,I have nothing to worry about and I do feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the nasty temptation to masturbate came at me again during the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I tossed and turned,but the erection continued to throb more.I had to sit up and attempt to get up and that is when the erection,though slowly,started to soften.I also walked a little and when I started doing that,I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,which I did and after I was finished,the erection had fully died down and I went back to sleep after that.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation after getting up out of bed in the mid morning and I was still feeling tired and drowsy,so my mind drifted off and sexual images of men started to cloud my mind and I started to lust and then,started manipulating my genitals to these lustful images and was at the point or orgasm,but managed to stop myself and I really felt miserable after doing this.I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that sin.I prayed really hard and I felt better knowing that I was truly forgiven and God had forgotten my sin.This still brings to mind one thing:Satan and his minions are using everything that they can on me to make me forsake my healing of these terrible unnatural sexual desires that I have and deliberately live in sexual sin.I am continuously willfully refusing to do that,but I also know that Satan and his minions will never give up.They are going to keep at this until I decided to give up and run right back to that sinful sexual lifestyle known as the so called "Gay" lifestyle.I am always at war with these unnatural desires that I have and at times,they can try to really drain out energy.But again,I am willfully refusing to act out on these unnatural desires that I have by simply going out to find men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.Though I am making that choice,I am learning constantly that the choice does have it's difficulties.The thing is even when I am not going out and seeking other men for the purpose of indulging in sexual sin with them,Satan tries to use other means to get me to act out by using sexual images of men to cloud my mind to get me to lust after them and also,to fantasize with them,and to manipulate my genitals with these images.I am always in a fight with these things and it always gets even more difficult.I have to keep telling myself never to give Satan and his minions what they want,though it also means that they will stay keep up with their ways of tempting me to act out no matter how much I work to try and resist them.I also kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ throughout the day and I never ceased.Every time I did that,I always felt better and much stronger as I asked God in Christ Jesus' name to give me the strength to fight and resist these terrible satanically influenced temptations.Though I have been keeping up in prayer myself,I am still asking that everyone who follows and reads my blog to continue praying for me and also,to please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I ask these things because both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and also,they make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA and the unnatural sexual desires that are connected with SSA.Please keep up in prayer for me and also,please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you followers for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church in the morning,including the morning's Holy Bible study class,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ