Today,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I headed over to the agency where my weekly spirituality group is held to discuss some matters with him,including updating my employment resume.We met for about 20 minutes and after we were finished,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local kitchen for lunch and after I was finished,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and I talked with him for about half an hour.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to pop a DVD into the DVD player and take it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel only a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection,though it didn't last very long.I sat up and got out of bed to head for the bathroom,as I sensed that I had to go there.As I headed for there,the erection started to soften and after I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I headed back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was still tempted throughout the day to indulge in fantasies and lusting and to manipulate my genitals while doing so,but I took it to God in prayer and asked him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations and I did feel much stronger as God and Christ both heard me and gave me the strength to fight and resist these temptations.The struggle with SSA gets tougher by the day and at times,the struggle can be very overwhelming.It is great that God and Christ are there to help give strength when asked to fight this terrible emotional condition.I still get tempted,at times,to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that particular temptation comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather then feed that particular temptation,as I know that acting out on these desires in any way,shape or form will never give me what I truly want and also,what I truly need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that goes with that gender identity affirmation.I have to continually keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am daily still trying to escape from and to continue to be free from.I am again asking that all of you continue praying for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time and also,please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my goals to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA condition.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ