Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I made a few important phone calls and after that was done,I did my personal PC work.I also got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda for today.
I first stopped over at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After that was done,I headed over to check up on a friend to see how they were doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It never gets easier.On certain days.I am up and feeling pretty good,while on other days,I am down and feeling not so good.Sometimes,it happens minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.The emotional roller coaster ride associated with BPD can be pretty monotonous and tiresome and at times,I wish that I didn't have to go through nor endure any of it.The worst part of my struggle is that at the same time,I also have schizophrenic tendencies.The hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia that I also struggle with makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I have to also put up with hearing things,such as voices calling out to me or negatively shouting at me and other sounds,such as hearing footsteps while I am walking and constantly turning around seeing nobody there.I never know how it will be day after day.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a little bit better and a little more at ease.Though I still struggle,God and Christ are both there taking the lead and that is a little reassuring.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.I sat up for a while and I proceeded to get out of bed and the erection slowly started softening.It was fully soft within a few minutes and when that happened,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I gave into a later temptation when I manipulated my genitals while looking at various sexual images online.I immediately stopped myself and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for looking at the images and also,for manipulating my genitals to these images.I felt better after that as I truly believed that God did indeed forgive me for sinning against him.I was again tempted throughout the day to indulge in lusting and fantasies and also,to manipulate my genitals alongside that.I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me strength to fight and resist all of these urges and after praying,I felt stronger as I truly believed that God gave me the strength.I also had faith that he heard me and that is what made me feel stronger.Though I am doing that,I am again asking that all of you who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please continue in prayer for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time and also,to please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.My blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments are rare.Please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue in overcoming this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with the terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and lunch at a local kitchen afterwards.As for the rest of the day,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ