Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a couple of things planned.
I first went to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed over to see how a friend of mine was doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or sometimes,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It is good to know that I am not alone in this particular struggle and it does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning by masturbating to sexual images of men that clouded my mind.Yes,there was lusting and fantasy involved as well.I really felt miserable and sad after falling this morning and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and I did feel better as I truly believed that I was forgiven for my sins.I am learning that day after day,the struggle with SSA never gets any easier.It gets tougher and tougher by the day.At times,I get so overwhelmed by these sexual images of men that it makes me feel that I am under way too much emotional stress.I don't know what keeps bringing up these things to my mind constantly,but I am sick and tired of them creeping into my mind so much.I really need to work on staying strong and really work on resisting all sorts of temptations that keep coming at me from all sides.I understand that being tempted in itself isn't sinful,but giving into any sort of temptation is sinful.I understand that our Heavenly Father only expects is to do the best that we can and I want to do that.I also want to do the right thing in God's eyes,but my sinful nature wants me to do the opposite.I am again asking that all of you who continually follow my blog and read the posts to please keep up in prayer for me as I am going through this terrible and stressful emotional time.I also ask that you please leave a positive word of encouragement or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in overcoming this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Please pray for me and also,please leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,I have to see someone at the agency where the spirituality group is held to make some changes to my employment resume and to e-mail it as a file to a job developer.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ