Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did my personal PC work.While doing this,I received a phone call from my father,who just wanted to check up on me.After that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had a few things to do today.I went to the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things and after paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I am feeling a tad better now.The weather has somewhat improved and I did manage to get out to do some things that I needed to do.Still,my down feelings were still the same,but this time,I managed to get out and just do what I had to do after being couped up in the house the last few days.It was great to finally get out after those last days of being stuck in the house due to the weather.Still,my emotional roller coaster ride stalled at down and I think that it will take a few days for me to get back into positive spirits again.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me during the wee early morning hours when another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,so I got out of bed and I headed there and as I was heading for there,the erection started to soften and when I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and I had to keep up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever these terrible temptations came at me.I prayed to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me strength to fight and resist these terrible temptations as they kept coming at me and I did feel better and much stronger after praying.Lately,these terrible unnatural sexual desires that I have have been really overwhelming me.At times,these desires can be so overwhelming that at times,I feel like giving up and surrendering to these unnatural sexual desires that I have,but I keep deciding to stand my ground as I am determined to continue in my journey to overcome SSA.Yesterday,in the early evening,I had to really pray hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ as these desires were really starting to overwhelm me.The sexual images of men were really clouding my mind and all the opinions of those so called "Pro-Gay" people were also trying to filter my mind alongside the unwholesome images of men.I prayed real hard to God in the name of his son Christ Jesus' name and I left nothing out.I bared all to God and told him that these unnatural sexual desires that I have and also,the sexual images of men and the opinions of those so called "Pro-Gay" people trying to merge with the images.I prayed so hard that I was at the point of tears and even had a little bit of anger.The anger wasn't toward God at all,but towards these feelings and these disgusting sexual and lustful images that weer trying to take over my mentality and try to get me to surrender to the unnatural desires that I have,accept that I am "Gay" and that "being 'Gay' is not a lifestyle choice",which,in reality,it is and that it's "who I am and what I am and there's nothing that can be done about it as it is something that a person who is 'Gay' is born with",which is also the most common lie that is told about it.It isn't easy making the right and also,most righteous decision.I am not saying that I am righteous,as God and his son Christ Jesus are the ones who determine who is truly righteous and who isn't.I prayed that I am simply starving for contact with other men and that I really need to have positive and healthy relationships with other men in order to heal from this terrible SSA condition.Again,I prayed so hard that I was in tears as I was praying and also felt anger at having these terrible desires that were really overwhelming me at that point.I also said to God that I hated it that I found men sexually attractive and that I hated having these unnatural sexual desires for men as this wasn't what God intended sexuality to be when he created the first human couple,man and woman,in the Garden of Eden,which shows what he truly approves of in regards to sexuality and that there are no substitutes.This is God's law regarding sexuality,as he created man and woman,and there is nothing else acceptable to God other than that.I am again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts here.Please continue in prayer for me,and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments of any kind.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in the fight against SSA,strengthens my determination to continue in overcoming SSA and also,to continue in my journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA condition.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for all of your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for being there and also,for all that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ