Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 4/5 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I went over to a local kitchen and I was given a bag lunch,which I accepted and headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put a few things away and sat down to enjoy my lunch.I also heated up a bowl of soup to have alongside the bag lunch that I was given.After that,I called my neighbor and I helped her with something that she wanted to get done,which took an hour and half to finish.After that was done,I went back into the house to relax and finish the rest of my personal PC work.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be be from one day to the next,or sometimes,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from enduring the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in keeping me sustained.I am never alone when it comes to my mental illness struggles and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that the do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning when I manipulated my genitals to fantasies and lusting of other men and I wound ejaculating while doing that.This really made me feel terrible and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and I did feel better as I truly believed that I was truly forgiven by God and that my sin was also forgotten by God.Throughout the day,I was still tempted to act out by fantasies and lusting after other men and I kept up in prayer the whole day as the temptations kept coming at me from all sides.Lately,images of men have been creeping into my mind and along with them,my mind has been preoccupied with images of myself performing particular sexual acts on them,mostly oral sex.I just want my mind to be cleared of these images and also,I want to think positive,healthy,wholesome and Christian thoughts of my fellow man and not impure and unwholesome sexual thoughts.I want to think of my fellow men as brothers only and not as possible sexual partners.These types of things are borne out of selfishness,greed and lust and I just don't want to think about them.Why these images and thoughts keep creeping up into my mind is something that I don't know as of yet.I want to reject these thoughts,but even when I do that,they come back.I am again appealing to all of you who follow my blog and read my posts regularly to keep up in prayer for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time in my life and also,to please leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors,but comments of any kind are rarely left in the comments section.Please don't be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section as I could use some encouraging words right about now.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and struggle against this terrible SSA and make me even more determined to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with this terrible SSA that I struggle with.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have to meet with a counselor at a job placement organization in my hometown.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ